Sovereignty

I have to admit, several times over the past two and a half years I have sat back and wondered if what Stuart and I were doing was the right thing.  In case you are our friend/acquaintance/blog follower and have been under a rock all this time, we've been a married-couple-living-apart since residency started.  Let me give you a brief recap:

We got married mid-way through medical school, and along with that came applying for residency training programs.  Matching into a training program is a bit like rushing a sorority, and thankfully our first choice wound up wanting me too!  We were excited to plan a move to Charlottesville, recently named happiest city in the country, and Stuart started his job search.  Soon we realized that although everyone loves C'ville, folks living here are often under-employed due to the size of the town.  Stu looked and looked, and not a job was to be found.  I moved up to start working, and he stayed behind in Mississippi so that he could keep his good job.  If life was easy he could have quit and moved with me and gotten a job at some coffee shop.  But considering we had a mortgage on a house we couldn't sell (which Stu had bought before he even knew me) as well as a bit less than the average $170,000 medical school debt I had accrued, that wasn't an option.  Stuart is the main provider of our family and didn't want to put us in a precarious position.

We prayed and prayed, and I was cranky sometimes, and finally about 6 months after my residency started, Stuart's company said they could move him to Pittsburgh.  Pittsburgh?! we thought.  Above the Mason-Dixon line and really cold, but this would mean we were a driving distance apart instead of a flight, and Stuart would get to work in a different side of the petroleum industry.  This seemed ... reasonable ... and also an answer to prayer to be closer together.  He moved up north and settled into his new job with some new friends, and I further settled into Charlottesville.  He had his own apartment, and I had my own (and meanwhile, we still had the mortgage).  I think the hardest part was telling the story.  Because you know people always need more explanation when the conversation goes:
"Oh, I see you're married, where does your husband work?"
"Pittsburgh"
"Ohhhhhh ..."  <insert worried glance because they think you're getting divorced, or something worse>

Most folks were understanding, though it was exhausting going through the story every time, and I still dread it though much less than I used to.  However I will say some people, while they probably didn't mean it, were hurtful.  There were a couple of judging looks and responses such as: "well I could never stay married if I lived apart from my husband", or "I would be so worried about him being around other girls when you aren't around", or "if I was married, I would never put my career over living with my wife", and "y'all are a great couple, but I don't understand your life choices."  It was hard to explain I actually thought what we were doing was the RIGHT and RESPONSIBLE thing given our financial situation, and my husband was actually putting MY career above HIS by letting me pick the program where I thought I fit best.  We never stopped believing that what we were doing was within God's Sovereign plan for us, though sometimes it was really, really, really hard.

You really can't understand how hard it is to live apart from your partner unless you do it.  Oddly enough it gets easier as you go along ... it becomes almost normal, just as any other thing you adjust to.  Every time Stuart would leave Charlottesville, I would cry awhile, and then get on with my work week.  You just do what you have to do.  And we prayed for our future daily and that God would provide a way for us to be together.  But He didn't.  Job applications came and went.  Promotions were passed over.  Our hopes were raised for transfers and over and over again we were let down.  Things started looking bleak, and while I was progressing through my training we still didn't have a plan for what would happen as my graduation approached.  As you know (again unless you've been under a rock) Stuart loves the political scene, and ultimately wanted to move that direction in his career.  We had hoped that would be a plan with his company, but again those plans kept getting rejected.  We knew we didn't want to live in Pittsburgh (it snowed 66 inches there last year, let's be serious people), but otherwise didn't know where we would plant after graduation.  Of course this is never made easier by acquaintances/church members/strangers you meet/family members asking "where are you going to live/what are your plans?"  I honestly would sometimes make up answers just to sound confident.  "Oh we'll be moving to Houston and Stu will be blah blah and I will blah blah", etc.

Marriage is a pretty funny thing, and sure does make you grow as a person.  But in hindsight (and in the moment) it's always been kind of funny that when I was really discouraged, Stuart would be having a great week.  And vice versa.  So we were always able to encourage each other.  And of course even though there were some not-so-supportive folks as above, our families and closest friends were always wonderful listeners and constantly prayerful, and a shoulder to lean on when we needed it most.

Then, a couple of months ago, we got some news.  Stuart had spotted a job opening at a new company, American Petroleum Institute in DC.  He didn't even tell me at the time that he'd applied for it since we'd had so many disappointments, then a few days later he was called for a phone interview.  Then an in-person interview.  He felt they went well, but then we had to wait and pray.  It was SO SO hard to not get excited about this job.  But if we'd learned anything along the way the past two years it's that our plans and hopes are not so great, and God's are greater.  We resisted getting excited with every fiber of our being.  Then ... he got a call that he got the job!  And they wanted him to start in TWO WEEKS!  We hurriedly packed up his apartment (interesting I just happened to have a few days off and be in PGH when we got the news), and then the next day he contacted a friend who let him rent a bedroom just a short bus ride from his new office.  Things have been going great at his job, and every time we run into one of Stu's old friends, or sit next to an Alabama/Mississippi couple at a new church, have great realtors fall into our lap, etc, we're reminded just how perfect God's plan and God's timing are.  And to top it off, the reason Stuart got this job is because of his experiences in Pittsburgh.  In other words, if we hadn't lived apart, and Stuart hadn't had a less-than-ideal job in Pittsburgh, then he would have not gotten this job, which is what he has wanted to do for years!  Wow!  I just can't even explain our excitement, and our gratefulness, and ultimately our thanks and praise to God.

Stay tuned.  Exciting things are to come, and I guess I have to come up with a new title for the blog!

Memaw/Julia/JuJu's 90th Birthday Party!

This weekend we were blessed to spend the weekend with Stuart's grandmother, Julia, for her 90th birthday party.  The first time I met Julia/Memaw when Stuart and I were dating 5 years ago, she told me I had to be in attendance at her 90th party.  She also commented that she wanted us to have children before she died!  We haven't satisfied that requirement yet, but we have had this shin-dig on our calendar for a few years now.

Unfortunately we almost didn't make it.  I'll save you the angry rant, but our flights were delayed and re-routed multiple times, and to top it off Stuart's bag was lost.  We wound up missing our own birthday party Friday night because we were late, but such is life.  And the reason I'm able to blog now is because my flight back home got delayed.  Good times.

Anyway, the party was wonderful, and it was a blessing to see the 200+ folks in attendance that have had a part in Memaw's life and love her so much.  And it's always great to be with family!

Julia in her "receiving line"

She got toasted and a little bit roasted

And you can never get away without a giant family photo!

Mom and Dad got to come as well!

Yinz Weekend

In Pittsburgh no one is familiar with the term "y'all".  Instead they say "yinz".  A few weeks ago some of Stuart's "yinzer" friends came to Charlottesville for a visit!  We packed my apartment and a few had to stay at the Hampton Inn downtown.

We hiked Humpback Rocks with a few of the early arrivers. Unfortunately I did not take my camera as it's mostly difficult to just get up there with yourself.  But the views were amazing!  We spent the rest of the weekend doing our best to introduce these northerners to C'ville - and of course that's best done by eating fantastic food and taking in the countryside while you test a glass of Virginia's finest wines!

It was a great visit!  Here are some pictures.

Yinzer crew: Richter, Stu, Me, Ross, Amanda, Babaji, Jess, Jared

Stu teaching Babaji about Virginia's wines at Pippin Hill

What good is enjoying a nice glass if you don't know the engineering behind how it's made?!

Gadsden Vacay

Late June Stuart and I traveled home to Gadsden for the weekend.  It had been too long since I've seen my extended family, so we had a big family gathering with delicious food as per usual to celebrate.  We also went to a fancy local restaurant with mom and dad one night, and were able to see all my home church family.  It was a short weekend, but a good one.  Here are some pictures.

Meeting of the minds ... always best at a kitchen table

Aunt Charlotte's homemade banana pudding with meringue topping.  This is toward the top of my list of favorite things in the world.

The obligatory family couch photo

Mom and her sisters on the back deck

Me with Dad and Uncle Jerry.  Can you tell they're related?

A visit with family really couldn't be complete without someone shooting a gun, right?  Dad and Stu took his new toy out into the back yard to shoot a stump a few times.  I think the neighbors were a bit scared.

Welcome Summer!

I started this post a while back and then forgot to finish it.  I need to get caught up on blogs before this weekend since Stu and about 6 of his friends are coming into town.  I anticipate a lot of pictures coming!  A few weekends ago Stuart came into town.  It was around the beginning of Summer, and we rang in the season by picking blueberries and cherries at a couple of local farms.  Have I ever mentioned how much I love Charlottesville?

I had never seen a cherry tree before, and for some reason was suprised to find each tree heavy laden with fruit just seeming to drip off the branches.  We ate too many while we were picking.  Along with a few cute kids with big red stains across the fronts of their shirts.

That evening we welcomed the brand new UVA Internal Medicine interns into town at one of our chief's houses.  There was grilling, and of course, cornhole.  We made it several rounds into the tournament I'd like to add.

Saturday we went to a local Vineyard called Veritas.  They have a summertime event called Starry Nights where you bring a picnic, have some wine, and listen to music while the sun sets.  We were grossly underprepared as most folks had a set-up similar to an Ol' Miss tailgate in the Grove.  We just had ourselves - but that was enough for us!

Then Sunday (Stu went back Monday) we were finally able to watch polo at King Family Vineyards!  Last time we attempted this, Stuart had car trouble resulting in both of us being a little cranky.  It had rained the previous day and by the time we got there they cancelled the polo match due to muddy fields.  This trip was a much bigger success.  Winston joined us and was surprisingly not into the horses.  I think because it was really hot.  He mostly just wallowed in the grass and got a lot of attention from people.

At "half time" everyone gets to run out on the field and stomp the divets.  Winston just peed on them.

Garden Goodness

I’m relatively new to gardening, but I think my love for dirt and growing things started when I was a child.  You see, my dad has a big garden in our back yard.  I grew up watching and helping the process along as much as a kid can.  I rode the tractor with Dad.  There was a little button on the steering wheel he always told me was used to “mash worms”.  I pushed it a lot.  And I remember fondly the way the freshly tilled dirt smelled after a rain.  I remember how Dad would walk the garden rows checking on the plants, and how he noted the weather and anticipated how it would affect the seedlings.  At the time I was more interested in digging up worms and grabbing unusual-looking rocks for my collection.  But then, strawberries came out of the ground from mounds of pine straw, and my small hands were used for shucking corn and shelling peas.  I can distinctly remember the sound the peas made when they hit the side of the yellow Tupperware bowl I held in my lap.  The corn would be hand-creamed by Mom in that same bowl.  I remember the sweet creaminess and the smell it made.  And then payoff – dinner time.

I don’t have a patch of land yet, but this year some friends gave me some nice dirt – complete with a few patties of manure – and I loaded it into pots.  They were kind enough to give me some spare seedlings too, and I got some herbs at the farmers market.  When I planted them I got so much dirt under my fingernails that I couldn’t get it out for a few days.  I didn’t try anything from seed this year, just seedlings, but I lovingly planted them all the same.  I watered them, fertilized them when they looked sad (though it hurt my heart to do so … ahem … organic movement).  Each morning I sit out on my porch with a cup of coffee and notice the changes from day to day.  Sometimes a droopy leaf tells me more water is needed.  Sometimes stems lean into the sun, so I scoot the pot over to make it easier. 

I guess watching them everyday you don’t notice the growth as much.  And then you leave for a weekend, with much trepidation and fear that they will wither in the heat or a bird will peck them, and when you return you find … a SQUASH BLOSSOM!  And just around the corner from that … A GREEN BEAN!  Wow!  Is this what having kids is like?

Not from my garden, but still awesome

Check out that little bean!!!

I’ll let you know what they taste like soon.  And while I’m at it, how about a nice spring-changing-to-summer recipe?

Stuffed Zucchini

3 zucchini, split and seeded

salt, pepper and EVOO

1/2 cup wild rice

1/4 an onion

1 bunch chard, stems removed and sliced into ribbons

Parmesan cheese

Cook the rice on the stove.  I added my onion just straight into the boiling stock for the rice.  Meanwhile, drizzle a little EVOO over the zucchini halves and sprinkle with salt/pepper.  Bake in a 350 oven for about 15 minutes, or until fork-tender.

Once the rice is done, mix it with the chard.  The heat from the rice should wilt the chard a bit.  Then scoop it into the little zucchini boats.

Turn the oven to broil.  Sprinkle some Parmesean over the top and broil for a few minutes.  Simple.  Delicious.  Enjoy!