Testimony

Testimony is defined as firsthand authentication of a fact.  It means that I can tell you that, indeed, something is true or real.  

Now, pull up a chair while I tell you the story of our lives.  Our testimony to God's Sovereignty.

Back in January of 2009 I encountered a handsome young man named Stuart.  On our very first date we somehow wound up talking of David (in the Old Testament) and how God had promised he would be king, but how he had to wait years for it.  And we talked of how he handled it (mostly) with grace.  And we talked about how it was so hard to wait on what we hoped God was doing in our lives.  And at that moment I knew Stuart was different and the kind of man I wanted to marry.  And a short year and a half later, I did!

Marriage is difficult, and I think oftentimes being a Christian couple is even more difficult.  Marriage is a partnership where the woman respects (and yes, is submissive to) her husband, and the husband loves and nurtures his wife.  I am fortunate that Stuart loves my desire to be a physician and has nurtured my drive to work.  So much so that when it came time for medical school to be finished and for us to look towards residency, he left the reigns in my hands as to where I felt lead to go.

After a lot of prayer and interviews, we decided on Charlottesville.  Of course it wasn't only our decision, but ultimately God who lead us here through the Match back in March.  He in His Sovereignty knew this is where I best fit.  And we thought, surely, since we were prayerful and following God's directions in our lives, that He would provide Stuart a job here in Charlottesville.

But He didn't.

We waited.  And waited some more.  And prayed harder.  And I cried.  And he applied to jobs here there and everywhere, and interviewed.  And nothing happened.  I got my first choice for residency at a prestigious institution, and my intelligent hard-working husband couldn't even find a job??  How could everything work so well for me and not for him?

You know the old phrase that God answers prayers as "no, yes, or not yet"?  Or the one that if God doesn't answer your prayers it's because He has something better in mind?  Well I knew those phrases well, and after months and months of prayers and tears and worry, I began to forget them - or at least to doubt their truth.

And did I mention that while Stuart couldn't get a job here, we also had a house in Daphne that we had moved out of and couldn't sell?  And for no fault of our own.  Because of some bad workmanship on a condo in our neighborhood, there was a lawsuit pending that prohibited any bank from writing a mortgage for our house.  So we had a new job for me in Virginia, with no job for Stuart except for his current one in Pascagoula, MS, and this house.  And the mortgage.  And another rent payment waiting in Virginia.  And $140,000 of medical school loans coming due just around the corner.  And friends and family constantly asking, "well what are y'all going to do??"

We prayed for a miracle that our house would sell.  I may have even prayed once or twice that a hurricane would come destroy it.  And yet ... silence.  We couldn't hear God's direction anymore.

Meanwhile the time came for me to start residency.  And still no job for the man patient enough to let me follow my dreams.  We finally faced the reality that the only thing we could do was live apart.  So I moved up to Charlottesville and Stuart stayed behind because we knew we couldn't afford to live on my salary alone.

Working 80 hours a week took it's toll, and I missed Stuart terribly.  I wasn't happy with the rotation I was on.  And I got mad.  Why do they make us work so much?  And why couldn't I have wanted to be a stay at home mom instead of a doctor?  I was mad at myself and mad at Stuart for not just quitting his job to come live with me.  But mostly I was mad at God.  because I had been a "good Christian" for years.  I thought we had followed His guidance to move to Charlottesville and I felt He hadn't provided for us.  That I had been tricked, somehow.  And I got a little bitter.  And then I stopped praying.

And then, after a few weeks of being kind of miserable, something happened.  I'm not sure what, but I can really only give God credit for it.  I just had peace.  I knew that, though things hadn't worked out exactly the way we would want them, that God was still in control.  I thought long and hard about that old phrase again that if God didn't answer my prayers it was because he had something else in mind.  What did God have in mind in his perfect Sovereignty?  Was I supposed to be learning something?  

I was learning that even the most wonderful Christian husband cannot completely fulfill me.  God is the only one who can.  Because He knows my every need, and He knows my sitting down and my standing up.  He made me in my mother's womb and He knows how many hairs are on my head.  And He knows the perfect plan for my life.  For mine and Stuart's life together.  Even if I don't understand how our marriage can grow when we're apart, and I don't understand how we are going to pay off my debt and pay our mortgage, God does and His plan is Sovereign.

I started praying again.  And not for specific requests, but rather for what God's best was for us.  For His Sovereign plan.  And I actually meant it this time.

And then the email came.

The email from Chevron, stating that Stuart was the top candidate for a job he had applied for months ago in Pennsylvania.  They wanted him to start December 1st, and they were excited about it.

It's a bit of a move up the career ladder, and may have the potential to combine in a bit of Stuart's passion for politics.  If nothing else it will greatly broaden his perspective on the energy industry.

And, they're going to buy our house.  Buy our house!

So after months of waiting, worrying, planning, stressing, crying, and praying, God has moved us closer together, given me my dream job, given Stuart a job that furthers his career, and taken away our financial worries.  And He did it in a way that brought us closer to Him and closer to each other.  And a way that has left us both with stronger faith and I believe a stronger marriage.  Who would have thought that the conversation we had on our first date would define the first two years of our marriage: waiting on God's timing.

It's a beautiful thing, God's Sovereignty.  And we are blessed!

Fabulous Fall

Supper Club.  Ted, Kara, Alex, Prashant, Andrew, Dianne, me, Lisa, Justin, Jeff from L-->R

There's really no time better than the fall.  Growing up I never appreciated it.  I think because fall meant back to school and during the summer was when I was free to play and do whatever I wanted ...  and to celebrate my birthday.  But now I'm grown up (and work all year round) and just so happen to be living in a place that I think has the most beautiful fall season possible.

Friday night, a group of my fellow 'terns (interns) enjoyed a meal together for our weekly Supper Club.  Let me tell you why it was wonderful:
1. We ate outside on the lovely downtown mall
2. We ate authentic Indian food
3. We listened to the Avett Brothers who were playing live about 1 block from our table
4. The weather was perfect
5. I wore my first cardigan/scarf combo of the season

The cool crisp air and scattered leaves got me even more excited about Fall.  It seems like in the past week the trees have just caught on fire with color!  Of course maybe that's because I'm on an outpatient block and actually driving to work in the daylight.  Regardless, its gorgeous.  Yesterday my friend Anem and new friend Lauren (who is living with me for a month) and I decided to walk around UVA's grounds and take some Fall Foliage Photos.  Enjoy!

This past week was one of my four much-needed vacation weeks!  I had been working the night shift in the ED and when I got off at 4am Tuesday morning I headed straight to the airport to fly and see my family!  It was a packed week with visiting my family, two best friends, and attending a wedding!  I gathered a couple thousand sky miles and traveled through quite a few airports along the way.

CHO --> BHM (Charlottesville --> Birmingham)
Mom and Dad picked me up in B'ham at about 830 Tuesday morning.  It was so great to see them!  There's really nothing like a hug from Mom and Dad when you have been working like crazy and haven't slept in a long time!  We drove straight to Cracker Barrel for a proper Country breakfast, and then made our way to Gadsden.  I may or may not have taken a 3 hour nap when we got back.

On Wednesday I slept in and indulged myself in two episodes of House (I haven't had a TV in 4 months!) before going to my BFF Megan's house!  She and her husband Daryl just had a precious little boy, Sawyer, about 2 weeks before I came.  Megan and I have been through a lot of years and stages of life together, and now its sweetly strange for my best friend to be a mommy!  I decided to spend the day with them and get to know Sawyer, as well as cook a nice dinner for them and their fam.

We had a wonderful visit.  Check out this little guy!

Unfortunately he's a Bama fan.  He doesn't even know better yet!  =)

The only smiley one I could get was blurry

Aunt Kacie wore him out!

She's already back to her pre-preggers size!  Hooray Megan!  

 Thursday after I recovered from the baby-day (I'm not used to kids, remember?), all the fam came over for a BBQ celebration!  A celebration of what, you ask?  Well, basically a celebration because we love spending time together and I haven't seen them all in a long time.  Mom had been asking me for weeks what food I requested, but let's be honest ... only one thing really mattered:  Aunt Charlotte's From Scratch Super Delicious Baked Banana Pudding.  Oh.  My.  Goodness.

I could swim in it.

 After eating banana pudding, hamburgers, and some more pudding, we all enjoyed the lovely almost-fall weather and took some photos and played some badminton outside!  Thankfully I was trying to make up for a few lost pounds over the past couple of months since the badminton definitely wasn't enough exercise to make up for that pudding!

Mom and her sisters

Tammy, me and Ashley (cousins)

Look who I found!  This is Tammys 8-month old, Grant.

And this is his super-cute brother Trenton trying to hold him

... Unsuccessfully

Not sure what Trenton's trying to hit back there?

BHM --> OKC (Birmingham --> Oklahoma City)
Friday morning I woke up at a normal hour (8am) and the fam took me back to the Bham airport to fly out west to Oklahoma!  My good friend Jack from college was conveniently getting married during my vacation week, and my other best friend Meredith was coming too!

I really didn't know what to expect from Oklahoma - I had never been before.  The entire state seems to be pointing away from itself with it's big tail on the left, almost saying "there's nothing here, go westward my friend!"  And, well, it is kind of right.  I met Meredith's brother, Thomas in the airport and we followed each other in our rental cars 1.5 hours southeast from Oklahoma City to Ada.  Before we arrived at the booming metropolis we passed miles and miles and miles of haybales, cemeteries, ranches, and little towns where it seemed like there were more cows than people.  Alas, I didn't see any tumbleweeds or cowboys.  Maybe next time.

I guess the theme for this trip was babies.  Not only did Megan have one, but now Meredith is pregnant, too!  Don't get excited Mom, it won't be me any time soon!  It was so good to see her and her miniature baby bump.

Me, Mere, Thomas and our good friend Ryan went to "the nicest restaurant in Ada" on Friday night.  It was a store-front Italian restaurant with mismatched furniture, a few men in cowboy hats, cheese on the bruscetta, and a random lady dining alone and talking to herself.  A good time was had by all!

Saturday morning we awoke bright and early to watch the Auburn game of course!  We found one (pretty cool actually) sports bar in town that would play the game for us.  We ordered greasy food and huddled at the bar to watch us (narrowly) beat Louisiana-Monroe!  Another college friend Todd joined us, and Jack even showed up for a bit on his wedding day!  I think we drove those poor Boomer Sooner fans crazy while were were laughing with each other and screaming at the TV.

From L to R: Thomas, Todd, me, Jack, Mere, Ryan

Of course the pregnant lady asked for a plate of pickles.

 That evening was Jack's wedding.  He and Brandi had a sweet reception at her home town church, followed by quite the party of a reception at the country club.  We ate, danced, and some of us even karaoked (not me!)

I snuck a picture without flash!

You can't see Mere's baby bump really from this angle

First dance

Early in the night we all looked at each other and said, "Where's Ryan??".  Then we heard him singing Billy Idol's White Wedding karaoke style at the front!  He was actually quite amazing!

OKC --> CHO (Oklahoma City --> Charlottesville)
And as of last night, I'm back in Charlottesville!  It was a whirlwind of a trip!  Today I'm doing Activities of Daily Living (i.e., washing clothes, cooking, walking the dog).  Tomorrow night I start working on the Acute Cardiology Service.  AKA heart attacks.  Should be a good time!

Me: What brings you into the ED today?
Patient: I have this bruise on my leg.  It just popped up today.  Do you think I have a blood clot?  I had one once before.
Me: It looks like just a bruise.  But since you have a history of blood clots we'll take a look with an ultrasound.

{time goes by for ultrasound}

Me: Okay - it looks like there's no clot there.  You just have a bruise.  That's good news!
Patient: Oh ok.  Well.  Sometimes my feet swell.  I have to work on my feet all day.  It's really hard to do that.
Me: (Pause) Well ... sometimes when you stand a lot it's normal for your feet to swell.  When you get breaks you can prop your feet up and that will help.
Patient:  But I don't get a lot of breaks.  I have to work 12 hours.
Me: (Pause) Well ... compression stockings are actually great for that.
Patient: (makes a face)
Me: I work 16 hours a day and I'm thinking of getting some compression stockings myself.

{yes, I was getting a little passive-aggressive}

Patient: Can I have a work excuse?
Me: For this morning while you were here?
Patient: No - I have to go in in a couple of hours.
Me: You do not have a medical emergency.  It's just a bruise.  There's no reason you shouldn't be able to go to work.
Patient: But I don't want to go to work.
Me: Well sorry.  I'll write you a note that says you were seen here today and that you can return back to work today.

Good times in the ED!

Today I'm enjoying a day off.  I really wish you could have smelled my kitchen this afternoon!  I cooked up a storm!  I had homemade chicken stock simmering on one stove eye, while spicy and smoky chana masala cooked up on the next... all the while zucchini bread was rising in the oven.  It's really nice to have an off day where I can just be quiet and slow-paced and do what I love doing.

That's definitely the opposite of what I do the 6 other days of the week.  Right now I'm in the middle of a month-long rotation in the Emergency Department.  It's the opposite of calm down there.  I think I've actually been a bit more stressed doing this than I was on my in-patient month last block.  There are days when I've eaten lunch at 6pm, and even one day when I didnt go to the bathroom on my entire 10 hour shift!  Patients just keep coming in from everywhere and if you get behind on seeing them it gets even more stressful.

Since it's busy the time goes by fast.  And I've seen some interesting stuff (heart attacks requiring electric shock, strokes, ruptured esophagus) ... but I've also see the not-urgent, weird stuff that comes in that doesn't get admitted to the hospital.  And that's not very exciting.

Whenever a patient gets put back in a room, they pop up on my computer screen.  And the first thing I see is their "chief complaint", or, the primary reason they came to the hospital that day.  Some of the stranger ones I've seen have been:

"I feel like my leg is stopped up"
"I accidentally took one Vicodin"
"I was dizzy, now I'm better"
"I have headaches, dizziness, pelvic pain, abdominal pain, nausea, vomiting, muscle aches and joint pains"

Unfortunately some people (like that last one I mentioned) don't have a primary care provider and decide to come to the emergency room for all their aches and pains, and they also would like you to cure them in one afternoon.

It really seems like some of my patient encounters go a bit like this:
(warning ... there's a few expletives.  Picture me as the one in the tie.)

It's hard to not get a bit cynical down there, but there definitely are some rewarding moments too!  For instance, yesterday a super cute 87 year old lady asked me if she could come home with me!  And another lady told me I was the best doctor she'd ever seen (guess she hasn't been to many)!

I'll be done with this rotation on Sept 10th, then I'll be flying to Oklahoma by way of Gadsden to see a friend's wedding and my best friend's baby!

Hiatus

So, really not much has happened since I blogged last.

Just kidding.

I've:
- been working 80 hours/week
- moved into a new apartment
- been adjusting to life without my husband in the same house
- made some new friends
- been learning my way around a new town

I've either been busy, too tired, or missing the hubs.  Hence the lack of blogs.  I've been (happily) surprised that about 30 people still check the blog daily to look for posts!  So since you still want to read I'll still make the effort to write.  Just can't promise it will be as frequent as before the 80 hour work week   =)

More to come ...

Deep in the Heart of Texas

A week or so before starting residency, I decided to make use of my last remaining free hours before intern year and travel out to Texas to visit my friend Meredith (who I hadn't seen since our wedding!  Too long!).  I've driven long distances before, but this particular 1300 mile round-trip was pretty taxing.  I think because once you pass Houston there's really nothing to look at but grass?  I was really hoping for some cowboys and ranches and tumbleweeds, but all I got was heat and no shade turning my car into an oven.

Anyway, I finally arrived and Mere, her husband Alan, and I enjoyed a great few days visiting together.  We ate (a lot), did some touristy things, and had great much-needed friend time!  I'll actually (hopefully) get to see her again in September when I have a vacation week and a mutual friend's wedding to attend!

Here are some pictures from the trip.

Hmmm ... welcome to Texas

The Lone Star State

 We decided to tour the Alamo one day .. it was a really interesting historic site.  Unfortunately none of us remembered our history too well, and made it through the entire museum not knowing if Texas beat Mexico, or vice versa?!  We were too afraid to ask a guide in the case we might injure their ginormous Texas pride, so we just enjoyed the walk-through.  Later, though, we found out Texas actually lost the Alamo, then got real mad and with the help of some other folks around the country, turned around and beat Mexico in a later battle.  Hmm.  I probably learned that in fourth grade?

The Alamo

Cute little baby ducks on the downtown "river walk"

The San Antonio "river" runs right through the middle of downtown.  Sorry for the bad photo.

Ben and Jerry's!

 We had the week pretty well planned out, but had some time to hang around downtown before our dinner reservations one night.  We happened upon a Ripley's Believe It Or Not museum, and decided to be super touristy and check it out.  Well, it was actually pretty entertaining (and a little bit creepy)!

Alan checking out something in the museum

 On the last full day of the trip, Mere and I decided to check out Austin.  On the way we passed through this teeny town called Driftwood which just so happens to have a restaurant talked up on the Food Network.  Bobby Flay said they had the best BBQ in the country, so we decided we'd see what we thought!  We split two combo plates so that we could try every meat they offered.  Yes, I think the waiter was a bit surprised to see two skinny girls eating that much meat, but eat it we did!  Let me tell you folks, I think Bobby Flay may be onto something!  The food was SO delicious!  We ate almost every bit of it, and then stopped over at their cute little vineyard to do a wine tasting (PS, Texas wine isn't too delicious.  Must be the heat).

Brisket, sausage, ribs, turkey, baked beans, vinegar slaw, and potato salad!

Cutesy picnic area

We also took a tour of the Texas State capitol.  Pretty interesting stuff!

Their dome is actually bigger than the national capitol.  Texas pride again?

Cool lights in the House chambers